Boredom and Eastenders Omnibus

Eastenders, first time I have watched it in years and I have forgotten how relentlessly depressing it is. Not in terms of its supposed authenticity, but in how the people of Albert Square fall into the same patterns. That the 'acting' is somehow lauded makes it all the more galling.

At the moment, Phil Mitchell is using crack cocaine. This is demonstrated by him behaving like a wounded bear awoken early from hibernation and finding a wasp in its ear and following every 'drug cliche' in the lexicon of television drama.

What amusement I managed to salvage was from seeing some of the people who once trumpeted that they were leaving to pursue other roles have returned, seeking the security of their old roles but still having that haunted, slightly disbelieving expression - in much the same way that I have seen people I work with, who swore how much they hated their job still in the same position when I see them after a few years absence. The only one I have any time for is Patsy Palmer, who I have an irrational attraction to. Her voice is like nails being hammered into my skull, but in interviews, her intelligence and humanity tend to shine through.

I know millions enjoy it, and my ranting is pointless in the face of that, but come on, surely television should aspire to something more than this - at least have some fun with it.

Suggestions -

Zombie apocalypse.

Guest Directors - Lars Von Trier. Judd Apatow. David Fincher.

Total recasting. But with a steadfast refusal to acknowledge that anything has changed.

A 'breaking the third wall' edition where the cast share their disappointment at how their acting careers have panned out, culminating in hurried phone calls to their agents and Barbara Windsor storming off set in tears whilst Sid Owen reads an old issue of Heat, mouthing the words as he reads them.