Ed Miliband

So, the Labour Party has a new leader and the attacks against him are around his links to the unions, ooh, the unions what with their desire to take society back to an age where people got decent wages and better terms and conditions, a golden age of prosperity that NEVER FUCKING EXISTED. Never mind that only 8.7% of votes cast were by the unions, but it sent out a clear message that just maybe Ed appealed to ordinary working people. Ordinary working people, you remember them, they serve you in supermarkets and build stuff that you use, they aren't as sexy as celebrities or millionaires and yet when they do pitch up and decide to do something, it gets done.

He talked about a living wage, in real terms on how it would be an actual win/win situation, for businesses and individuals - in particular when my industry, retail, has some 257k minimum wage jobs within its borders - all of which would benefit immensely from the implementation of the same.

He admitted New Labour made mistakes - which is a sign of maturity, and more importantly, did not lay the blame at any one individual and then apologised for it. I respect that, it is a good sign that there is a political leader who can admit to a mistake.

He talks about a foreign policy based on values, which might mean that we stop tolerating some of the ambient abuses that go on in the world and that our next government might stop propping dictators up.

He talks about limiting markets - which if previous governments had done so, would have prevented the financial collapse - ok, so a few less billionaires but we can all live with that.

He seems determined to break with the past, in a positive way.

Plus, for me, personally he seems willing to genuinely speak out against the old guard, not so willing to follow the paths set before him. I could be wrong, I sometimes believe I was fundamentally wrong on my support for Obama and hey it won't be down to me to determine whether he fails or succeeds. I look forward to hearing his views, and I hope he will take the best lessons of history and attach them to new ideas.

With the possibility of mass protest being more likely than not, here are some of my ideas with which to make a much larger impact and to strengthen the overall body of argument against media scrutiny and wilful misinterpretation:

1. Uniform. The success of the Civil Rights Movement in the United States had many factors to it, but for the purposes of this argument, I will draw upon one: they looked smart.

No visible piercings, shirts and ties for the men, dresses for the women. They looked like the aspirational ideal of the middle class who, to a certain degree, control the direction of public opinion. They related to them in a way that has been denied by the overall cavalcade of anarcho-class tourists, dreadlocked jugglers and countercultural scene kids that we experience today. This is no way a slight on those who express themselves thusly, but in order to win greater arguments, a certain degree of discipline is not anathema in service of the greater good. Dress like you are visiting an elderly relative or going for a job interview that you actually want.

2. Non-violence. This should go with saying, if we are to occupy the moral high ground then there is a cost to that, and again, it goes towards discipline. Self-defence, I would argue, is permissible but only so much that you can extricate yourself from the situation. As in several schools of martial arts - you are either in or out. Be out.

3. Performance Art. Make it subtle, one of the great ideas in Cory Doctorow's For The Win is a protest in which the participants merely organised a flashmob in which they arranged to meet, eating an ice cream with the further variation that they would appear holding a second, which they then would pass to a passer-by. Which confused the authorities, but it makes a good point, being imaginative, being viral is arguably so much more effective in campaigning for your particular cause.

4. The Corser Cost. We have social networking and email, flashmobs and SMS/MMS, why are the Trades Union Movement not using them

The Pope

Your common garden variety paedophile lives in secret, slave to their appetites, knowing that even suspicion can ruin their lives, forced to do business with criminals in order to seek gratification, and each image, each child is a victim left broken, whether they are alive or dead after. Whether you come from a place of compassion that it is an illness or otherwise, the testimony of victims speaks to the horror of it all. Unless you are a Catholic Priest.

Then, sure you have to confess but ultimately you are accepted, in no way denied the grace of your God and you are moved to another parish, leaving behind your victims. Out of 22 priests, 14 are still ordained, which makes me aghast and wonder whether the Church has some kind of points system in place. That the current Pope has overseen a great deal of the abuses and managed the response and as yet no one has put a fucking bullet through his head is tribute to the power of religious faith. Or to the denial of the same faithful.

Essentially you worship in a church that puts those who murder the spirits of children over common law and the concept of justice. Fuck you for not doing all you can as a member to right this wrong, and that comes from all of us who have ever experienced abuse, or known those who have, or those who see it for the travesty it is.

That you have a Cardinal who then comes out as a racist and begs off visiting our country because of our aggressive secularism and I say fuck him too. There is an argument for moderate religious belief, the Axis of Jam Making as it were but I wish that they were a little bit less tolerant where it counted, Even a Buddhist priest entertains thoughts of swatting a hornet once in a while, and these crimes and attitudes are the very cause of aggressive secularism. When you see that Mother Church is playing the same game as the financial industry and the government, similarly their promises sound hollow. Faith is irrational, and dogma is dangerous - as much as Marx said that capitalism sows the seeds of its own destruction, does the Catholic Church bear similar fruit.

Army of the Stupid(US Politics)

There are stupid people out there, most of them are harmless, admittedly the rate at which they reproduce is staggering but in the greater scheme of things, they are ultimately harmless. Well, within my lifetime at least, or so I thought.

Christine O'Donnell - who believes masturbation is a sin(which sounds unimportant but consider someone saying that out loud and then giving them responsibility over certain aspects of your life), she is fiscally irresponsible(but so am I) and she appears cut from the same cloth as Sarah Palin. That she has only so far won a Republican primary, admittedly with 53% of the vote is, at the moment, of concerned interest to me, and the actual campaign will be brutal as she seems stuck on repeating talking points and not answering questions, even to relatively benign interviewers which will see her reeling when she gets to talk to someone decent - if she talks to anyone bar her audience, which, if I were her campaign manager, would recommend. O'Donnell, Palin et al can win merely by talking to their audiences in friendly, contrived settings - their homespun innacuracies and irrationality endear them to their base and it is that base that will, if motivated, draw in Republicans and independents who share any kind of sympathy with the American Dream.

Which, having read Stephen King's The Dead Zone, makes me feel quite unnerved and aggravated that Obama attempted to be conciliatory with the Republicans when their conservatism mutated into fundamentalism a long time ago and now this mutant strain of ideology has turned American into the first act of a zombie movie, with idiots and theocrats instead of the walking dead.

Next few posts will be talking about Trade Unions, then some posts about the possible strike action, stay tuned.

In My Darker Moments

I am starting work on a new idea as the thriller I have been beating myself up over has stalled, so am doing something else in the meantime.

Wild West. Vampires. Guns. Revenge.

Shouting At The Blank, Uncaring Face of the World

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the world, which I know is merely down to how I perceive it but I do feel, in my own way, lonely. It is loneliness in the little ways, no one rings me unless it is work related, no one merely asks after me anymore.

I know that being married, working full time and being a father takes up time but I still wish that people would relate to me as an individual. It is selfish to feel this way, and it passes but when it is here, it feels overwhelming. I know that people do ring me just to say hello, but they are busy with their own lives and that what I am feeling is irrational, but it feels real to me.

My life is equal parts tragedy and triumph, and sometimes I wonder how much more I can take, I am trying to take control of my life, to be all things to all men and yet it seems so futile when you are the only one who bothers trying to do anything, and then, when you stop.

You are criticised for missing out.

Sometimes I wish that I were more of a bastard, that I hadn't been quite as pleasant growing up, I might have avoided some of the obligations and frustrations that plague my existence. But then I wouldn't have had Scarlett and she, above all else, is what keeps me going. I love her more than life itself, and she is, in so many ways, the best thing I have, or will ever have achieved. My biggest fear is that I will let her down in some way, which is why I keep pushing forward, why I am looking for a better career because I want her to have more than I did, not that I lacked anything bar the material things but that was no one's fault.

I cry sometimes, I am so scared of disappointing her, of disappointing anyone really. I am struggling and I cannot talk to anyone because it would mean admitting that I have a problem coping, and who will look after things? I am thirty four years old and I am supposed to take care of things myself, but how I do cope? No one tells you to cope, do they?(She just walked in and I hurriedly wiped the tears from my face and smiled at her, she doesn't deserve to suffer seeing me like this)

If someone figures it all out, I hope they tell someone, or write it down because to be truthful, i do not have a clue. All I can do is keep going, keep fighting until either the world gives up or until I break. Fortunately I am going away camping next weekend, which is always a welcome break from the world where I go cold turkey from the internet and even now I am worrying about the numbers. Sorry if you stumbled upon this, thinking it would be about politics or culture, but I won't be linking to this one. Just wanted to shout it out to the blank uncaring face of the world.

In Praise of Women

I have a daughter, was raised, along with my two brothers by my mum, with assistance from her parents and her brother and sister, so women have always featured strongly in my world. It used to bother me, but then watching my uncle kick all kinds of arse in the parents race was my first school revenge upon the world:)

In any case, I was raised to respect women. That and being a heterosexual, (even though, as my wife told me once, that everyone was relieved that she was with me as they all thought I was gay.) meant I am intensely enamoured with women, not girls. Girls were what I liked as a teenager, girls are what you lust after as a teenager and I have not been one of those for a long time. Oddly enough, I was more comfortable with women when I was younger, than I was with guys, which is something that came with time. I had close male friends, but in terms of that meaningless chatter you do over drinks, then that came in time, but women, once you got past all of the pretty, I have always enjoyed their company.

This is not going to be a list of traits and cliches about women, more an observation.

Why are women in competition with one another? I mean, as a white male, I am comfortable that my particular demographic are firmly in charge of things but women are capable of anything that a man can do, and more. Yet society and media encourages you to sell low, and in the race to the bottom, there seems to be an element of jealousy in that. I mean, men fuck each other over, but it has less of an impact upon men than it does amongst women. Or as Mean Girls puts it, 'women would take over the world if they could stop hating one another'

Why are women selling themselves short? This is obviously a reaction of sorts to the women's media and cultural imagery that I see in the mainstream not to the reality which is, that one of the smartest and bravest political campaigners I have ever had the pleasure of meeting is a woman and that I know female doctors and leaders in the actual world, but media is where we get a sense of our identity and its possibilities and it is that with which I have an issue.

If you believe that the highest aspiration you can have is to be a courtesan for a footballer, then I, as a human being and a man, pity you. Your physical beauty is going to evolve past the current notions as you age and that at some point, you will find your relationships will be defined and shaped by that which is within you. You need to find something for yourself that is not dependent upon anyone else because at some point that is all you will have. It is not about seeking approval, you do not need it.

Other than that, I will find you, on your terms, as reverently as I do now. I wish that you were in charge of things, Charlie Brooker once proposed that for ten years men would get no more responsibility than the tv remote, which would suit me just fine, so if you can make that happen, that would be fantastic, thanks. I could do with the rest.

Jobs For Whoever

Jobs, careers, temporary contracts, temping, whatever you define it as, some people have them and love them, some have them and tolerate them, some loathe every second, walking around like robots powered by revenge fantasies of slapping the life out of their manager's flabby little body and there are those who do not have jobs and are desperate to have one, and those who who are not desperate to have one.

It is not just about money, working, is it? I grew up believing that was what a man did, work, and being 'on the dole' as it were was something to be ashamed of, or reserved for those who were in particularly dire circumstances. Which is something that comes to mind when I hear George talk about cutting benefits to push people into work, that I believe he does not understand the how and the why, or if he does, he does not truly care.

Now, if you were not aware or raised with that taboo against not working, then a cursory look at the job centre's range of available work is not all that palatable measured against the following trade off -

You go to interviews where you do not particularly try to impress the employer but not so much that it raises suspicions that you are not trying, you sit and talk in vague terms about how you have been looking for work in an exchange where you have practiced the trade off - your dignity in exchange for financial enhancement and more importantly, the security that benefits offer.

The jobs that are out there, are insecure, low-paid, non unionised with an atmosphere that implicitly hints at a less than desirable future if you do look to the relevant union for representation, but the truth of it is, I would probably take that job just so I could keep working. That taboo works on me, even as intellectually I know that you can work the system if you wanted to, I was raised too well to ever make it as a long-term claimant(thanks Pops)

I do understand why some people stay out on benefits, there are societal and social reasons that are not being answered by the government. Cutting benefits will force people into low-paid and insecure work, whereas I would propose that state investment in new jobs would be a more effective measure of increasing the amount of people employed, because unskilled and long-term unemployed people are going to only ever find unskilled and insecure work.

Simple solutions to complex problems are a surefire sign of wilful ignorance, either through lack of education or adherence to an ideology and that is part of what is going on here, it is about arousing the Tory faithful's prejudices. No one wants to see the welfare state used as a lifestyle choice, but for some people it is the best of a bad lot and until someone in government stops and considers the long view, then I see nothing ahead but conflict.

Further to that, and if anyone who has heard me say this, forgive me. There are more types of poverty than financial, the poverty of expectation is crippling and if you believe that you deserve no better, can do no more and that despair is your default view of the world, then the expectation that you can go out and find a job or a career that simply is not there is false. We tend to project that were we in that situation, we would delay gratification, that we would struggle against failing parents, broken schools and disparate communities, that somehow we would survive in situations that break entire generations when the truth of it is, is that we are speaking from a place of relative affluence and ignorance. Sure we can all talk of isolated examples of people who escape, but their uniqueness is indicative, isn't it?

There are entire communities in this country, that if they vanished tomorrow, would not impact upon the economy at all and demonising those people, because as some of you seem to forget, they are people like you and I, is perhaps a subconscious way of gaining favour with our cold, ruthless leaders. If you speak out against benefit scroungers and fail to realise that you are one bad week from joining them, you need to consider your lack of empathy.

Do Not Go Gently

You have fought every step of the way, chemotherapy, drug regimes that enslave you to a routine of pills with side effects as bad as the condition you are fighting, you have had ups and downs, days where you almost felt normal and days where you just wanted to pass on. Some people live to tell about these experiences, some do not. I know people who have had their condition go into remission and go onto lead fulfilling lives, but I have lost people along the way. I miss those people immeasurably.

I cannot speak for those who are suffering, only for myself and I am fortunate in that I am well, however I do believe that were I to receive the considered assessment that it all came down to a matter of when, I would want a choice in how and when I left this life. You would change the channel if something you were watching turned out to be shit, wouldn't you?

As you sit there, consider the people that love you and how they would feel if they had to watch you die by degrees, past the point where medical science can do anything other than mitigate the pain. I watched my grandfather, a kindly, intelligent man who was the heart of our family in the greatest possible way become reduced to a series of responses by cancer and it was cruel beyond measure. Watching him die by degrees was horrific, I choose not to recall the specifics too often, it always makes me cry, the physical reaction is like being winded from a solid punch and I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. I would however like the choice to avoid such a fate for myself or my family.

I understand that such a decision is open to abuses, and I would welcome a considered assessment, but one that was centered around the wishes of the patient, the prognosis and the educated knowledge of medical professionals. Ultimately it would be the mark of a considered and mature society that it would grant its citizens the freedom to exit stage left with their dignity intact. Dignity is important, and although a word that seems to come from a more genteel time, it is something that when you note its absence, you understand its fundamental appeal.

When I think about my grandparents, as my nanny passed on a year after grandad, I wish that I believed in an afterlife, or that there were ways to continue the conversation with them. It is that wish that gets exploited - for influence, for financial gain, for social proof. I have never been approached by anyone claiming such knowledge, and I fear my response were such a thing to happen. This is all we have, and therefore we owe it to ourselves to make the most of it, that we create heaven here on earth rather than trade off for something hypothetical and unproven. We can be our own angels, agents of compassion or of righteous justice, and we should fight for a better world for everyone. Take care.

Comedy

Comedy either works or it doesn't, regardless of what format it comes in - to me, it is one of the purest artforms out there, and I regularly see parallels with other, progressive forms of art - jazz, comic books, rock and roll.

It is a field where the most mundane, journeyman hacks sell out stadiums, and you would face the awkward silence that is normally reserved for an acquaintance making a racist comment, were someone to admit being a fan of them.

The artists that serve as iconoclasts, that advance the craft more often than not suffer, if not in obscurity than without the adulation that they would clearly reject. You get your Peter Kay and Dane Cooks, or you go for Stewart Lee, Doug Stanhope or anyone of the working artists who go onto a stage and have conversations, point out harsh truths and make people feel something.

In much the same way that some people like Robbie Williams or The Jesus Lizard, music and comedy share so many things, mainly because they are both artforms - vehicles of the purest expression a human being can endeavour over.

The differences between them are in the lack of solidarity within the moment of performance - I discount situation comedies because the good ones are rare and the funding for new writers and voices is woefully discounted. It is cheaper to produce something with Kris Marshall making that face where he looks like he is passing a pinecone whilst Penelope Keith asks him to pass the coconut macaroons than something like Spaced or the I.T. Crowd, which is par for the course I suppose.

The greatest thing you can evoke is emotion, and laughter is in itself a vehicle of the purest kind.

I will, over the next few posts, talk about my favourite comedians and point out some places online where you can get a sample, and where you can buy their material.

The Elephant In The Corner

OK, now does anyone recall the story about the News of the World bugging the phones of royalty and various celebrities? No, I hear you cry, why should we give a fuck? Well, its important, children, because the News of the World are a prime example of the freefall in standards of journalism and the editor at the time was Andy Coulson, and he is now in charge of communications of The Conservative Party, and his boss before the government was Rupert Murdoch.

Now this isn't me putting on my tinfoil hat, squeegeing my third eye with a heroic dose of mushrooms and becoming aware of the conspiracy, these are stories that affect all of us and here is why:

What is to stop Andy Coulson doing it again, in the service of government this time? Against you or I, when he has, for all intents and purposes, gotten away with it before? Nothing at all, because we live in a world where the bastards either know enough about the rules to break them and get away or just refuse to play and never get admonished for it.

This is the establishment in action, and they aren't the Secret Illuminati, they have names and addresses and they encourage other people to break the law and then if those people are caught, they develop amnesia, the rest of the press refuse to cover it mainly because it is widely rumoured that the phone hacking technique is a standard weapon in the arsenal of the working tabloid journalist and to be honest, most journalists working for a tabloid are a bit shit anyway. I mean if I had to write and put my name to some of those stories, I would have to start each day jamming heroin into my eyesockets just so I could get out of the door. These people probably started out wanting to bring down governments and expose tyrants, now they get to write stories about members of Kasabian pissing in doorways and how much cellulite Charlotte Church has.

I am in my way, a romantic and an idealist, even as I recognise that people mess up and forces happen to impact upon them that are beyond anyone's control. I expect that if you have anything approaching a sense of obligation or nobility, that you at least try to aspire to something beyond your immediate gratification in life.

If you are a politician, you serve the needs of the people who elected you, if you are a policeman, you serve the people by enforcing common law(not merely issue fines) and if you are a journalist, then you seek out the truth, or whatever is closest to it and you shine a light upon the hypocrisy and corruption that besmirch our lives, that you show the reader that no one is above scrutiny and acknowledge that, yes, no one is perfect and you will make mistakes, but when you say one thing and do quite another, when you speak out against corruption and yet indulge in it yourself, someone is going to ask you about it and have evidence to prove that it is so.

I just want a better world for everyone, even you, you magnificent bastard, you probably don't think that you deserve one, but you were lied to, in fact, you can be amazing if you want to be. If you don't, I still want you to be happy and not be a slave to anyone but your own heart and mind. The journalists and editors involved in both the criminal acts, the commission of them and then the avoidance of reporting have failed on every level, professionally and personally. You are fucked and you are fucking us, as Bill Hicks once said of marketing professionals, now its journalism's turn. Again, I implore you to ask questions of this, to discuss amongst yourselves about how these things come to pass and to be angry about it, because if they can hack Prince Harry's phone, yours will be a piece of piss.

William Hague

If this is true, then I actually feel for the man, having to admit multiple and recent miscarriages, which are events that tear holes in people and their relationships. I do not understand the advisor leaving office, in particular as if he was guilty of anything, it was being in a relationship with a married man, which he strenuously denies and to be honest, that is not something you should lose your job over. We still have this unusual and distorted relationship with homosexuality in society - that we keep them at arm's length, unless they are minstrels, we are not convinced and seemingly afraid, of what?

Are homosexuals so persuasive that you can be sat next to one at a dinner party and he can persuade you to have sex with him? "Well, your rhetoric has me convinced, whip it out right now, I thought I was heterosexual but you are so persuasive." No, they are people who happen to find different people attractive from, say me, and as such, they do not need to qualify themselves in any way shape or form other than the criteria that we look for, professionally and personally. They should not have to discuss it, in ordinary circumstances - it is not a choice any more than you can choose your parentage, so it doesn't matter if we decide to accept homosexuals, they're not going to stop because of anyone's disdain.

So, if it was that they were exploring or expressing their sexuality, no one needed to leave or lose their job, if either party involved had defended or expressed bigotry against homosexuals - well they are hypocrites. Infidelity happens, denial happens, all situations that crop up in private and public lives - part of the deal with being a sexual being with emotions and obligations and its press hypocrisy to simultaneously demand inutterable propriety and the appearance of normal notions of society. That he had to use the details of something painful to explain it, is awful piled on sadness and if any part of this is found to be misleading or untrue, then he should be ripped apart for it.

There is also the continuing idea that being homosexual is something furtive and a detriment - recently Joe McElderry came out, after a time away from the publicity surrounding his X Factor win as though his sexuality would have tainted the show's brand. He was even nominated as an icon for it, which is awfully sad.

Be proud of who you are, if you want to be out, be out. Its your body, do with it what you want as long as you don't harm anyone else.

Richard Dawkins

I am watching his documentary on More4 - 'Enemies of Reason and I am in awe of the man, he carries himself with the confidence and civility of a learned gentleman. The way in which he points out the fallacies and follies of religion, astrology and their ilk, and how they undermine civilisation, is a delight to watch. I know that some him accuse him of zealotry, but when you examine the damage that these ideas inflict upon us, then perhaps it is important to ensure that these ideas are presented in their proper context.

I used to believe in God, did a church summer camp which mainly meant I had someone to go to the beach with, and to be honest, my personal experience of churchgoing folk is that they are genuinely nice people, but what I never understood is why God allowed such suffering in the world and why some people didn't have enough to eat.

It wasn't one particular thing that led me to be free of this belief, and to be honest, I tended towards spirituality and fantasy anyway in my interests - horror and fantasy fiction, roleplaying games, comics, anime but I soon came to realise that I didn't believe that there was a purpose to all this, that you could still be good and do good things because it felt good, not because of concern that someone was watching. Since that point, I tended towards ambiguity around other people, not just on religion but also on astrology, tarot etc but as time goes on, I have not forgotten the sensitivities of others, it is called tact, but I state my absence of faith in a calm manner and to be honest, no one objects anymore.

Ideas are damaging in some instances, and it is important that we find the tools to fight these ideas not just for ourselves but for our children and their children. When people use homeopathy to fight cancer, when people destroy others over their chosen God, when we replace the wonder and curiosity with the one size fits all answer of God Made It, we have to fight them without resorting to name calling(not that it doesn't have its place, if done in a playful manner). If you have to ask 'why', you need to look into it.

Offered In The Spirit of Love

I am a Labour supporter and a trade unionist. I believe that a more equal society is healthier, smarter and recognisably better than a capitalist one - for a start, we would all have to work less:) New Labour were in power for thirteen years, and my first political love - we haven't split up, but she's getting a new haircut and lost some weight, and before I see her again, I have to consider whether I still want to carry on this relationship.

"We need to talk, darling"

"Look, I promise you, things will be different this time. I went through a phase, you know. All those people telling me how good I looked, and the power, oh god, you have no idea.."

"I know, and I still look at that little card you gave me, and I am amazed by how far we have moved from that little statement. Democratic socialism is a beautiful phrase, so is social justice and I don't really hear that from you anymore."

"Is it Clegg? What does he have that I don't?"

"Oh how wrong can you be? Clegg is a cardboard cut out, no more substance than a Spice Girl. I know people were flirting with him, but I never trusted him. I still love you, but you make it difficult"

"What do you mean? NHS Direct, Tax Credits, Freedom of Information Act, banning fox hunting, more money into the public sector, I did everything I could..

"Its not that I don't appreciate what we have, or had. But in this relationship, I had to put up with a lot from you -

"We were amazing together, weren't we?

"The Millenium Dome, faith schools, house price inflation, the fact that our children won't ever be able to afford a home of their own, an incomplete immigration policy and the attendant failure to explain it to people, which in turn led to a resurgence in tacit racism and extremism, two wars that we had no true business being involved in with hundreds of thousands dead, a generation of soldiers and families traumatised and disabled, the fact that the same people kept on getting richer and richer whilst we all struggled to get by, despite being told that things were getting better - the 50p tax rate whilst you couldn't get your shit together to close tax loopholes, demonising benefit claimants.."

"Still, you do what you can in government, and we did our best. Do you think that the Tories will do any better?"

"No, I still believe in you but I want to see some changes if we are going to carry on. Did you ever hear that quote made by a US President?

I struggle to recall the origin, but the substance comes to me.

"It is better to believe in something and suffer for it, than to slide through life with no passions. I don't think that you should compromise anymore, you should talk to people and find out what they actually want. Or at least be better about selling what you want to achieve"

"OK, listen its not down to me, people have to work with me for the change to happen. Little things have an impact and I hope that you like the people that I want to work with."

So do I.

Bliar

Well, it appears that former Prime Minister Blair's autobiography is out now, with the attendant media interest, both positive and negative. There are far more eloquent attacks and defenses but here is mine -

In his prime, Blair was charismatic, just high enough in the social pecking order to be aspirational but not so much that he alienated you. Certainly some of the allusions to him being ordinary were clumsy but certainly every politician attempts this 'reach across the divide'. Politicians, eh, making you feel better that they listen to Oasis as they close your public services.

Well, I thought, sure he's another politician and he got them into power with his third way politics, which made them attractive to rich people who dimly believed that a true socialist government would steal the money that they worked so hard to inherit and it was all gravy from there, wasn't it?

So civil liberties got stripped away and, as a country, we went to war on a lie. The rich continued to get richer, and although there were a lot of good things available to alleviate some of the pain in being poor or low waged in this country, I grew to resent Blair. In particular, when we went to war.

Now the hijackers were of Saudi descent, so why did we go to Iraq? Certainly the idea of pursuing a diplomatic investigation would have been sensible but no, Bush wanted a war with someone, anyone and Iraq was there for the taking. That evidence had to be fabricated and that Blair maintained his belief in the dossier throughout was meant to be him showing he could roll with the big boys on the global battlefield, that we could war as well as the Americans.

Excuse me, but fuck that.

It isn't the Prime Minister or the minister or the political journalist who goes to war, its that man or woman you went to school with, who you went out with a summer, your cousin who's struggled to find work where you live, the man who wanted to get out of the town where he was born - those are the people who get sent to war. Sometimes they don't come back, or they don't come back in one piece - mentally or physically. So it stands to reason that we send them into harm's way without a genuine reason and with the necessary equipment, to defend against a threat against the people of their country, not to prove a point or massage a political ego. The heartening thing is that people went out to protest, even if the cabinet did not listen - which I put down to the arrogance that perhaps is necessary to run for and win leadership, to a certain degree.

That he led a government that participated in the deaths of between 97 and 106,000 civilians, that entertained torture and extraordinary rendition(kidnapping someone and taking them to a country where it is legal to torture them), that radicalised certain elements of fundamentalist Islam and made the world more unstable for all of us, and then refuses to entertain the idea of an apology. Blair's vision is a poisoned chalice, a Faustian pact whereupon we gained a glimpse at a fairer world and in return we allowed the gap between rich and poor to increase, but the poor got a few more crumbs from the table and we got MPs who were/are devoted and passionate about social justice.

It is a price that I am uncomfortable to have paid, as a voter and a Labour Party member and I hope that we can learn from Blair - it is telling that he has accrued vast personal wealth(although he has not been vulgar with it) and then gone onto a high profile as an ambassador for Middle Eastern peace(oops there) and an interfaith ambassador, so he might yet do some good - one can only hope. I am unlikely to buy his book, even though he made the gesture of donating the advance to the armed forces, seeing as his informed decision has maimed and killed so many of them.

I enjoy the benefits of a great many of Labour's policies, but I cannot reconcile those gains with the fact that we denied chemotherapy drugs to Iraqi children, that we displaced hundreds of thousands from their homes, that we made things worse for the Iraqi people in so many ways that we advanced the idea of private enterprise in a combat scenario, that the world is an angrier and more volatile place for the actions of these people, that they proceeded to war in violation of international law, the very best advice and evidence from experts in all fields and I did my part in it during my time of naval service, enforcing the sanctions that deprived children of food and water, to allegedly punish a man and his family who sat in their solid gold mansion, fed their zoo animals and played their games whilst his people starved and suffered.

There is hope, however. We can get a leader who will best represent the ideals that Blair alluded to, and hopefully won't sell us down the river, David carries too much of the New Labour ideal about him and I do not believe that experiment bears resurrection, my vote will be for Ed Miliband and I would encourage anyone with a vote, either via trade union or party membership to do so. Let us leave Blair with his demons, he has to sleep at night with the deaths of thousands on his conscience and that is far more punishment than any court, man or country can inflict.