Do Not Go Gently

You have fought every step of the way, chemotherapy, drug regimes that enslave you to a routine of pills with side effects as bad as the condition you are fighting, you have had ups and downs, days where you almost felt normal and days where you just wanted to pass on. Some people live to tell about these experiences, some do not. I know people who have had their condition go into remission and go onto lead fulfilling lives, but I have lost people along the way. I miss those people immeasurably.

I cannot speak for those who are suffering, only for myself and I am fortunate in that I am well, however I do believe that were I to receive the considered assessment that it all came down to a matter of when, I would want a choice in how and when I left this life. You would change the channel if something you were watching turned out to be shit, wouldn't you?

As you sit there, consider the people that love you and how they would feel if they had to watch you die by degrees, past the point where medical science can do anything other than mitigate the pain. I watched my grandfather, a kindly, intelligent man who was the heart of our family in the greatest possible way become reduced to a series of responses by cancer and it was cruel beyond measure. Watching him die by degrees was horrific, I choose not to recall the specifics too often, it always makes me cry, the physical reaction is like being winded from a solid punch and I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. I would however like the choice to avoid such a fate for myself or my family.

I understand that such a decision is open to abuses, and I would welcome a considered assessment, but one that was centered around the wishes of the patient, the prognosis and the educated knowledge of medical professionals. Ultimately it would be the mark of a considered and mature society that it would grant its citizens the freedom to exit stage left with their dignity intact. Dignity is important, and although a word that seems to come from a more genteel time, it is something that when you note its absence, you understand its fundamental appeal.

When I think about my grandparents, as my nanny passed on a year after grandad, I wish that I believed in an afterlife, or that there were ways to continue the conversation with them. It is that wish that gets exploited - for influence, for financial gain, for social proof. I have never been approached by anyone claiming such knowledge, and I fear my response were such a thing to happen. This is all we have, and therefore we owe it to ourselves to make the most of it, that we create heaven here on earth rather than trade off for something hypothetical and unproven. We can be our own angels, agents of compassion or of righteous justice, and we should fight for a better world for everyone. Take care.