Brit Awards

Its awful, on every level. When Ferne Cotton was stood in front of a caravan interviewing Jamie Oliver and Jamie Cullum, my bones vibrated with rage, when Take That emerged from the UFO dressed like gay porn stars doing a Kraftwerk tribute act or when Coldplay limped around the stage, I wondered where the terrorist cells were, and why didn't one of them do the world of music a favour. I wanted Joe Calzaghe to punch holes in James Corden's head, and I felt ashamed for those people I do like(KoL, Pegg and Frost, who looked faintly embarrassed) Dignity had no place tonight, and we got Duffy.

Duffy, Duffy won every award possible, with her cheap Taiwanese Barbie features and voice like a cat with leukaemia. She is engineered to be the Aryan clone of Amy Winehouse, because you know the inoffensive soul diva is an affront to humanity. When Marvin Gaye was contractually obliged to release an album, of which all royalties were to go to his ex-wife, he released Here, My Dear(I learnt that from Something Awful) which was a killer album full of lacerating lyrics. Billie Holliday sang about black men being lynched. Duffy is a mustard burp who has coasted into fame on the back of a Bernard Butler production that resembles a Motown production devoid of the blue collar innovation that raised a production line song factory into raw genius.
The TingTings are a fucking joke, pop music that sounds like instruments given over to chimps. I can appreciate innocent music, but this is calculated artless shit, disguised as sneering indie cool. They make Miley Cyrus sound like Janis Joplin.
Pet Shop Boys were just cringeworthy, relics of another age.
What I hate most is the self-congratulatory tone the whole event takes, from the shitty presenter gags(Craig David, is that the best they could come up with?), to the nonentity award presenters(Natalie Imbruglia, Jamie Oliver) to the limp performances(KoL were a notable exception but they seemed to have traded their edge for acclaim, not that I blame them). The whole thing made the Mick Fleetwood/Sam Fox debacle look like high art, not in terms of competence but in terms of spirit, this was as cynical and lifeless as a prostitute pretending to be a corpse for cash.
However Girls Aloud were great: they're all gorgeous and their music has a certain quality control that makes them entirely palatable. Although I mainly like them because they are bloody lovely to look at. Never said I was a saint, baby:-)
This is what happens when my drummer is in London, I post bad things